Unscripted

I’ve been working since I was 15. I’ve had all types of jobs from food runner to parking lot attendant to leading mission trips to analyst. Over the last 18 years the one thing I could always say is that I’ve had a job. Sometimes more than one. This past Friday made one full year of employment for me. The longest I’ve gone prior to this is four months. 

I had a simple plan coming out of college: get a job on Wall St., get a hot wife, buy nice things. I went two for three with student loans preventing me from buying nice things. The point is, I had a script. I knew what I wanted my life to look like and I had it all planned out. My life has rarely ever gone according to the script and at this point, I’ve pretty much tossed it out. 

Spending a year unemployed with three babies wouldn’t have been on any version of the script I would have written for myself. At this point I could write a book on the lessons I’ve learned going off script and really this past year alone but instead I’m going to give you three.

Beauty From Ashes

Identity shift. We live in a status obsessed world. The first question we ask people when we meet them is “what do you do?” We’re almost trained to think that what we do is who we are, which means if we’re not doing something then we’re left asking the question: who am I? 

I’m not really career oriented but have always wanted to do something important. The idea of sitting at home with my babies didn’t feel like what I was called to do. I was supposed to be doing “more.” What that led to was many weeks of missing the moment. I was so busy thinking about what was going to be next that I was missing the beautiful moments in front of me. Now I recognize where I am is important and needed. 

My identity is found in Jesus. Sounds cliche but it’s true. I’m not my employment status, I am who he says I am. A child of God. Made in his image. Imbued with dignity and value not for anything I contribute but because I’m his. Learning this lesson helped me to enjoy the moment. This beautiful time with my wife and children that will never come again.

Provision. God provides. I’m living it. I see it every day. The words of Psalm 37 ring true: I have been young and now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous abandoned or his children begging for bread.

I have seen my needs taken care of over and over not just this last year but my entire life. God continues to be faithful. First, my wife has a wonderful job and second, speaking engagements and writing assignments for me have  popped up when they were the most needed. 

We have a cultural problem where we think our wants are our needs. I certainly don’t have everything I want (still would love to buy a house!) but my needs are very well provided for (thank God for the stable roof over my head). Provision may not always look like what we want and while that can be hard to grapple with, may we thank God for it.

Trust is Key. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He has a track record of faithfulness that is unmatched. A big part of my problem over the years is that I haven’t trusted that 30 years from now I will be taken care of. But when I look back over my life, there has never been a time when that was the case. I can trust God more than I can trust myself or any of my plans. 

Unscripted

Bonus lesson. We’re told to follow a specific path to achieve success and it works for a lot of people (not everyone) but sometimes we have to go off script. Fear keeps us from trying things. The world tells us the safe path is the only path and that’s just false. 

What would happen if we put half the energy into taking risks as we do into our fears? I’ve taken a lot of risks this year and started a lot of things: a podcast, producing another, I started this newsletter (share it with your friends please), Started a Black History project (Labor Forward), and I’ve had numerous speaking events. All of these have led to doors being opened that may not be there had I stayed on script. 

Of course I’m still looking for a job (I have many babies to feed) but my identity isn’t in what I do. I’m living off script right now and that’s a good thing. God is the author of our lives, not the stories we’ve written for ourselves. I’m doing everything I can to remember that.