The State of My Union

This past Sunday, the 10th, made 12 years of following Jesus for me. It’s always an interesting story for people because I grew up in church. I did all the church things and was even a Christian spoken word artist when I became a believer. But that's exactly what radical change in Christ is. It makes you realize that being in church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than being in a garage makes you a car. 

I’ve got this firm belief that life really only makes sense in retrospect. Our vision can be so clouded by what’s in front of us that we can’t see the growth taking place in the moment. I can look back over the last 12 years and see God’s faithfulness. I see the ways in which he has been beyond good and gracious to me. When I look back I can see the sanctifying blessing that marriage, parenting, and the trials of life have been. 

Frustration

I also look back and feel some frustration. There are things that I’ve struggled with my entire life that still plague me. Things I would have hoped to overcome by now. This is why April 9th tends to be a more somber day for me. I reflect on the previous year and I get frustrated with myself and what can often feel like a lack of growth. 

I get especially frustrated with new sins that pop up. One of the quirks about sin and temptations is you don’t get one set that runs with you through life. Nope. As you grow and change, the tactics the enemy uses in his attempt to devour you, grow and change as well. 

I can often feel like I’m not a good enough Christian or not “doing enough.” This is another tactic of the enemy. The good news of the Gospel is that we don’t have to be good enough because Jesus was good enough on our behalf. All of our sins: past, present, and future were nailed to that cross with him. On that Easter morning when he rose, he took them away completely. 

The Lull

I think life is boring. Not that life is actually boring, as a stay at home dad, I haven’t seen a dull moment in months. Moreso what I mean is that we find ourselves in routines. We wake up, go to work, come home, do what we do, rinse and repeat. Before we know it, we’re running on autopilot. 

The big sweeping moments of life are rare and we typically only get a handful over the course of our lives. Most of life is mundane and routine. 

Our Christian lives aren’t too different. They’re not these action packed, non-stop, always on high affairs. That’s not to say that God isn’t exciting or any less worthy of our worship but I think it’s natural for us to settle into routines with Him. Again, not necessarily a bad thing. The consistency of reading and prayer, even when we don’t feel like it, charges our spiritual batteries for the day and time we will need the boost. 

Zealous

Jackie Hill-Perry has been posting her cringe worthy posts from when she first became a believer. I would do the same if I still had my social media profiles from back then. Her posts remind me of the zeal I had back then. It reminds me of how on fire I was in the beginning. Completely consumed with the things of God. 

On some level, it’s great that today just being a Christian is my identity. I don’t feel the need to be over the top and have my JPMs (Jesus’ Per Minute) at a sky high rate. And yet, I miss some of that early zeal. 

So I guess that’s my state: Desiring to recapture the glory. 

I want to come back to my first love. Much like Jesus beckons the church in Ephesus in Revelation 2. 

I’ve been playing a lot of basketball lately. A few weeks ago, I played twice in one week and after the second, I started telling people I feel young again. A few hours later, knee pain that lasted a week set in. No matter how much I try, I can’t recapture that youth, I’m not in my 20s anymore, my body has been through a lot. 

Similarly, I can’t get that same zeal back. My soul has been through a lot. Talking to my boy D Wade the other day, he hit me with a line from his grandmother: It seems like as you get older, the Lord calms you down. 

I felt that. I’m a lot calmer today. The zeal may not be exactly the same but the love is exponentially greater. It’s not just a blind, young faith anymore, it’s been battle tested. 

I sit now with the lyrics from In Christ Alone heavy on my heart because they’re the real state of my union:

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from his hand

'Til he returns or calls me home

Here, in the power of Christ, I stand