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April 10, 2010. That’s the day my life changed. I was 22 and had been in church my entire life. I wasn’t a Christian though, I was playing a role. I was a Christian by default. It was the box I checked and the rituals I followed. I thought being a Christian was the thing you did if you were a good person, and I desperately wanted to be a good person.
I heard the gospel at a conference in Philadelphia where I thought I was going to learn a bunch of things to take back to my church. At the time, I was a Christian spoken word artist and youth leader at my church. Every week I would point people to a Jesus I didn’t know. Because I grew up in church I was full of Bible knowledge and knew how to play the church game but my heart had never been transformed.
Off stage my life was racked with guilt and shame. I couldn’t kick the habits of sin that plagued me. I would literally cry about things one night only to turn around and do it again the next day. But April 10, 2010 I was confronted with the life changing, saving grace of Jesus.
The last 10 years have been a beautiful, wonderful, and crazy journey. I’ve experienced the grace and mercy of God in countless ways. I have learned a myriad of lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
Here are ten:
Jesus alone saves: This may seem basic but I didn’t know that. Up to that point, I was convinced I had to work for my salvation, and my life reflected that. It was when I heard the truth, we are saved by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone that my eyes were opened. My church activity couldn’t save me. I was never going to be “good enough,” and I certainly was never going to muster enough righteousness on my own. It took God opening my eyes to teach me that being in church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than being in a garage makes you a car.
Learning curve: Sanctification is the life long process of every day being made a little more into the image of Jesus. It is a long and uphill battle. The frustration there is that I I want change to come quickly. It simply does not. The truth is, you’re going to struggle with some things much longer than you’d like to. Ten years in, I find myself frustrated that I have some of the same issues I had a decade ago. Even worse, I’ve managed to pick up new habits along the way. The beauty though is that grace abounds. That doesn’t mean I’ll keep sinning because there’s grace upon grace but it does mean I do not live with condemnation and fear of judgment because Jesus paid it all.
Petty fights: We Christians fight over stupid things. We fight over important things too. Important things that are not always ultimate. We have a terrible reputation in the world partially because we choose to look for areas to divide rather than unite. The Gospel should be what draws us all together and yet we choose to check if someone is complementarian enough or Spirit filled enough before we decide if we can fellowship with them. I understand our denominational divisions. I think churches have split over very important things throughout the years. But I also believe that all of those divisions shouldn’t be reasons we never speak again. If there is anything I have figured out in the last ten years, it’s that nobody has the corner on right theology. Every system can be picked apart and have holes poked in it. I stand for orthodoxy, I do not stand for the tribalism that would say someone’s different practice on a tertiary matter precludes them from truly being in the faith.
Looking back: Life makes a lot more sense in hindsight. It can be overwhelming. In the moment our problems can seem like the end of the world. In reality, the things we fret over and are convinced will ruin us, won’t matter in 6 months. I have dealt with a lot of job insecurity in this decade but when I look back on each moment in my life, I can see where God has sustained me and how each event worked out for my good. It is the faithful reminder to trust God in every circumstance. The winds and waves of life are going to crash on every house but the ones built on the rock will stand.
Relationship: “It’s not religion, it’s relationship” is one of those cliche sayings you hear a lot in church circles. While it can sound really cheesy, it is true. We know God through time in His Word and through prayer. Without those we are merely ships floating in the ocean with no direction. I have found that my relationship with God is the strongest when these elements are the most consistent. I have found that my ability to fight sin and flee temptation are the strongest when I am studying scripture and praying with regularity. I have had plenty of irregular times over this decade to say my hypothesis is accurate. Consistent time in the Word and prayer are vital to the life and health of the believer. I have had many seasons of spiritual highs and lows, this is just the nature of life. We won’t always be on ”ten” and so we can’t let our relationship with God be contingent on how we’re feeling in the moment. Relationships require consistent, every day investment. It is no different with God.
Forgive: Forgiveness is the key. As Christians, we forgive because we have been forgiven much. In my life, it has been easy for me to hold grudges. I am a guy who has felt insecure for most of his life. I have never felt good enough, appreciated, or valued. Walking with that attitude, there has always been a chip on my shoulder. Every slight, perceived or actual, can be magnified in mind. It is an affirmation of a lie I have always struggled to not believe: that I have to live this life on my own and can’t count on anyone. One of the best ways to combat this for me has been through forgiveness. People have hurt me but I have also hurt people. I try to live in a way that extends the same grace given to me to others.
Loose plans: Hold your plans loosely. There is very little about my life that I thought would be where it is today. It is easy to be racked with disappointment when you make a statement like that but I’m not. Man plans but it is God who directs the path. Planning is good and wise but ultimately God is the one who is in control. There are several opportunities I have wanted to take that didn’t work out for a variety of reasons. Looking back, I am grateful 90% of them turned out the way they did. I also see how in several of those instances, what I thought was failure, was really the Lord’s protecting hand.
Made whole: A big lesson I have learned that I try to teach others is that marriage and kids will not make you whole. Only Jesus can do that. If you haven’t worked out your issues prior to marriage and parenthood, you’re just bringing people into your mess. A wife and children can never fill the holes in your heart. In fact, they only expose them further. My wife and kids have been beautiful instruments for sanctification in my life but I surely could have spared them hurt and pain if I was mature enough to work through my problems when I was younger.
No mistakes: God didn’t make a mistake when he created you. It took me a very long time to be comfortable with who God made me. I have often felt like an outcast in life and like I need to apologize for who I am. In my younger years, I did the best I could to just assimilate and fit in. There’s an element of that which is just normal teenage behavior but when it persists deep into your 20s, there is a serious problem there. One of the most liberating aspects of the Gospel for me is knowing that God is pleased with ME. Not a future me, or a better me, a slightly less quirky me, but me as I am today.
No condemnation: I mentioned before that prior to becoming a believer I was weighed down by guilt and shame. I still experience those feelings. I feel them often. Elements of my old life often creep into the present day. In fact there are people in my life who only see who I was and not who I am. The difference now is I get to rejoice in the words of Romans 8:1: There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Jesus died for all of my sins: past, present, and future. There is plenty in my life I can feel wretched over but I know that by God’s grace I am free.
With all of these lessons I am more curious than anything else to see what the next 10 years will bring. I thank God for redirecting my path 10 years ago. I haven’t always enjoyed it, I’ve often wished for different circumstances but I firmly believe that God truly works all things together for our good.